U-Gan-Da-rned Mosquitos

As I've written before, we were cautioned about two things when we moved here. The first danger was traffic, the much-justified target of last month's (and I'm sure future) rants. The second danger we were warned of was malaria, but I'm really not too concerned about any of us getting sick. We are all taking Malarone and malaria cases aren't that prevalent within the city. Typhoid is a far more real fear at the moment.  I also don't see us taking the girls too many places where they have a good chance of catching malaria. It is the vessel that carries malaria that has gotten under my saddle.

The mosquito - what I am now labeling the Scourge of Uganda - has reared it's very ugly head during our current dry season (I'm swatting them even as I sit typing this). According to my informal and, of course, highly scientific survey of friends and colleagues, we seem to have it the worst in our neighborhood, located adjacent to Kampala's Nakivubo Swamp. As such, I've had to add a new step to the girls' bedtime ritual - the hunt. I begin by whistling the tune from "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" and while Laura bathes the girls, I search every nook and cranny of our bedrooms and bathrooms for the offending varmints. Once located, I annihilate them with an electrified device resembling a small tennis racquet:

I never really cared for tennis, but I've developed a mean backhand with this

I'll kill as many as 20 during this period, knowing more lurk elsewhere. While apparently only a small percentage of the 4000 species are the ones that drink blood, it seems that the entire population of that small percentage is living within a few feet of our front and back doors. Notwithstanding my best efforts, I can't figure out how they are getting into our house and through our mosquito nets, but they are. We frequently wake up in the morning with bites, and Stella seems considered by them to be especially delectable.

Given its pure annoyance, I have great difficulty understanding the validity of the existence of the mosquito and anyone who takes any action that directly or indirectly preserves the mosquito should be committed.  No offense, Rachel Carson (who also argued for limited pesticide use when faced with the tremendous human toll of malaria). Some scientists believe that mosquitoes play an important part of the ecosystem, for example providing sustenance for Larry, George, and Henry - my geckos. But in talking with them, I think that they would just find another food. In fact, I've found that the rest of science agrees with us. A 2010 article in Nature, written by the brilliant researcher Janet Fang, confirms our hypothesis that the world would be no worse off without these flying bloodsuckers. Those organisms (such as my gecko friends) that consume mosquitoes would easily replace them in their diet. It's kind of like when I moved to Uganda and couldn't get Tasty Tacos anymore. I survived - it was difficult for a time, but I have persevered and found new life in vegetable samosas.

Throughout history, man has feared vampires and vampire bats, but no one has mounted a serious attack on the one organism that actually flies around with the expressed purpose of sucking our blood. If only tools like wooden stakes, holy water, or silver bullets and axes would suffice. As an aside, despite what Laura tells you, Abraham Lincoln:Vampire Hunter is not a historical documentary.

Because the mosquitoes are so bad right now, it has completely distracted me from the problems of traffic that returned with the new school semester. But I'll spare everyone from my rants for now and move on to the family updates:

Late January, February, and March have been busy. I traveled to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia and determined that A) everyone in Ethiopia knows of and loves Bob Marley and B) Ethiopian food might be a viable alternative to Tasty Tacos. Never a replacement, mind you, but an alternative.  I didn't have much free time, but I was able to take a day trip south of Addis to see the prehistoric archaeological site at Melka Kunture. This was disappointing in that, according to my guide, this was one of two major excavated prehistoric sites - the other being where the bones of Lucy were discovered - and it was not very well preserved. In fact, there was litter within the excavation shown to the public. There was no security, no protection from the elements, and worst of all, no gift shop.

This site, excavated during the 1960's and 1970's, is thought to be about 800,000 years old.

  

Archaeologists are able to determine the age by looking at surrounding evidence.
The indicated hippo tusk seems to have been eaten during the "Plastics Era."

My next stop on my journey through history was Adadi Mariam,  a rock-hewn church built in the 13th century, slightly more recent than the more famous rock-hewn churches in Lalibela. It is not nearly as elaborate as the churches in Lalibela and is believed to have not been completed before it fell out of use during the 1600's.  Due to warring tribes or Muslim conquest, it was then filled in and forgotten until the late 19th century, when Menelik II excavated and restored the structure.

The cross lights up like something from Vegas, but I don't think it is original to the structure.
The decorative flags are remnants of the previous week's festival celebrating the Ark of the Covenant

One of the four hallways surrounding the central chapel (which I wasn't allowed to see)

One of the most interesting features of the church was not the fact that hand tools were used to excavate this entire structure (while that in itself is amazing). Surrounding the perimeter of the church yard were about 25 or so small shed-type structures of varying quality, constructed of wood, tin, or stone.

No zoning laws here either?

After the proper tithe, we had a nice conversation with the church deacon who informed us that the structures were constructed on the sites of graves. Apparently, families built the structures over the final resting places of their relatives and donated them to the church for use as homeless shelters. This process could be a refutation of the late, great Al Czervik's argument in Caddyshack that "...country clubs and cemeteries are the biggest wastes of prime real estate."

The final site visit (before a delicious Ethiopian lunch in a rural town) was a UNESCO World Heritage site at Tiya, Ethiopia. Here lie about 40 carved rock stelae from a still unknown culture. Archaeologists have been unable to decipher the carvings of swords, plants, and circles, but they are assumed to have some afterlife significance as a number of graves were found both nearby and among the rocks.

As we returned to Addis, I took a few pictures of the amazing landscape. Everything is brown due to the dry season, but during the rainy season, everything is a lush green. I also saw some local livestock including donkeys (Tepper's new favorite animal), cows, and herd of camels being driven to the local slaughterhouse by local tribesmen. Mmmm. Camelburgers...

The cause of a rural traffic jam

Would be happy to hear from our readers if anyone knows the difference between
one-humped camels and two-humped camels.

I returned from Ethiopia just in time for the most hallowed week of the year - Tepper and Stella's birthday week. For those of you who don't know, their birthdays are two days apart. And no, that wasn't planned. But I am looking at doing a joint bat mitzvah in about 12 years.

Their birthday extravaganza was complete with our new backyard playground, face painting, and the ever popular bouncy castle. Tepper had a great time, as you can see from the photos. Stella, on the other hand, slept through almost the entire party. Due to her excitement for the day, she got up way to early that morning and just couldn't stay awake.

Wings courtesy of Funcle and Kelly. Thank you to Grandma Danger and Grampie for the ballerina doll and tutu.
And yes, she thinks she can fly. She called herself a fairy princess.

The most peaceful moment of the week. Toward the end of the week, Laura and I would have said this photo belongs on a Post Office wall next to the FBI's Most Wanted. Wardrobe of new owl and cupcake pajamas brought to you by Trixie.

The cake. You may notice some missing Oreo cookies. It wasn't me.
Blame the vulturous kids who were circling the cake, like sharks at feeding time.

Birthday Tiger!

Tired Tiger

February was finally Laura's turn to travel in Africa, having made a quick business trip to Nairobi, Kenya. She described Nairobi as a "great city," though I'm not so sure about a place where armed gangs are known to rob motorists stuck in traffic jams. At least that kind of thing doesn't happen in Uganda.

Then, a week later, she braved disease, robbery, and roadside vehicle breakdowns to climb Mt. Elgon, Uganda's cheaper, less-crowded version of Mt. Kilimanjaro. An extinct volcano, Mt. Elgon is Africa's 17th highest peak and has possibly the world's largest caldera. On the way up, her traveling companions developed blisters and altitude sickness. Despite the maladies, the group was able to summit.

I heard that Laura's group paid a local tribesman to run up the mountain and bring the sign down a few thousand meters.

On the way down, stopping at Sipi Falls, her group was accosted by a gang of machete-wielding youths demanding money (They got nothing. No one messes with Laura and lives to tell about it). And on the way back to Kampala, one of the two vehicles developed a crack in its coolant box, thus blowing the head gasket and leaving 6 people to cram into one car for the 6 hour ride back to Kampala. Laura had to share a seatbelt. This leads us to another lesson we've learned about Africa: Never buy a Land Rover that's more than 5 years old. You'll end up putting three times the money into it than the purchase price. What's nice about my Isuzu Wizard is that I'll only pay double.

Now that its March, things are going to be a bit more calm. We'll have a lot more time for things like art:

Where Tep-Picasso is supposed to paint: Her easel

Where Tep-Picasso is not supposed to paint or draw: the kitchen wall

relaxing in the pool:

Dora the Explorer Fan Club Pool Party

reading (with friends) on the lanai:

Tepper was actually mad here - she, Bonnie, and Hello Kitty wanted to read Laura's magazine about unicorns.

eating good food:

There's nothing like having a little eggs while still in your PJs.

acting goofy:

Tep-Potatohead

and swinging on the swing set.

Since I'm STILL waiting for my job to start, I plan to play in a few golf events now that the Uganda Golf Union has finally issued me a registered handicap. Much like the USGA system, the UGU used a very complex scientific and mathematical formulaic process. It cost me $15 and required me to play 9 holes with the local club pro. After carding 4 birdies and 2 double bogies, the pro told me, "You hit the ball like a 1 [handicap], have the mind of a 10 or a 12 [handicap], so I'll give you a 6 [handicap]." And so it shall be. Ugandan National championship, here I come.

That's about all for now. Stay tuned for my next rant, I mean insightful post, - mostly likely about a distant cousin of the mosquito - the boda.

Happy N'U-Gan-da Year

So we haven't written for a while and for that I apologize. We've probably been stuck in traffic. I'm being serious. We were warned about it before our arrival, but seeing it up close and personal is something else.  Traffic is absolutely the most difficult thing about living in Uganda. Imagine the worst American beltway without the threat of being pulled over by police, lane dividers, or speed limits. Then add 200% more poorly-maintained vehicles. Blend in a heaping spoonful of unpredictable and dangerous bodas and matatus. Pour in a dash of potholes large enough to swallow an elephant. Finally reduce any sense of moral decency or compassion for your fellow driver, pedestrian, or livestock. That is the recipe for the daily commute to the Embassy, a mere 7 km away. It's not as easy as "Rollin' in my 5.0 with my ragtop down so my hair can blow." (More on Vanilla Ice shortly...)

Uganda, like most of sub-Saharan Africa, has an urban planning problem. Most roads here, and I mean 99% of them, are not designed nor capable of handling the amount of cars, trucks, and boda bodas using them. If you follow any of the news about demographics, the story only gets worse for Africa in the coming years as the population is expected to grow exponentially. Many roads are extremely narrow, barely wide enough for two small cars to pass, and most roads are unpaved. As added threats, there are very few sidewalks, so drivers must be cognizant of the numerous pedestrians. Road-side stands crowd the road in many places, limiting maneuverability. And lastly, 3 ft deep sewage/ drainage trenches line the road. We have been fortunate so far, but have heard many stories of expats' cars falling into the trenches and having to be towed out. 

A brand new, 2ft-high speed bump 10 meters from a T-intersection (immediately behind us) where
no one could possibly have gained any speed going up the hill and after turning. Traffic in the opposite direction is required to stop just prior to the speed bump by one of the 10 traffic lights in the city.

Another victim of the notorious drainage ditches. Most roads, however, don't have
shoulders and the ditches line mark the edge of the road.

Kampala's geographic features also hinder traffic.  The city is known for its "Seven Hills," and the main roads are a series of choke points between each hill.  So while you can move around easily within each hill, once you venture out of that neighborhood, you're just at a stand-still. Additionally, the city's industrial area is positioned right in the middle of the city to promote the heavy industries' access to the railroad (which is grossly underutilized - a story for another time). This location is problematic because the large number of large container and tanker trucks on the narrow roads often have to make sharp turns - often times 20 point turns - to get to their destinations. When this happens, it can block traffic for kilometers. I've seen one stuck truck cause a backup which lasted nearly an hour. And of course, we live on the other side of the industrial area from the Embassy.

Spring Hill Road, a relatively major secondary level road running along the industrial area,
at evening rush hour in the rain. I must point out this is supposed to be a two-way street, but there is no room for traffic traveling in the opposite direction. I'd also like to thank the matatu to the right for reminding us to tithe.

Same road, basically the same location on a sunny Sunday morning.

Many other traffic snarls are caused by the lack of controlled intersections. There are only about 10 traffic lights in the city and sometimes they aren't obeyed, especially by bodas. All of this seems to be made worse by the presence of traffic police, who show up even when the lights are working perfectly, and decide to randomly supersede the lights, stopping for 15-30 minutes to let others go through. Several were recently arrested for taking bribes. Who bribes a traffic cop, you may ask? Well, you try spending 2 hours sitting at an intersection less than 2 km from your home and not think about who you can pay off to get out of the gridlock. And while you're sitting there, you too can listen to Vanilla Ice and/ or Whitney Houston on the only English-speaking radio station you can get on your car's old Japanese radio with frequencies that don't match those of the rest of the world (even Uganda). In fact, one song in particular was played so often a few weeks ago that Tepper turned to me at breakfast the other morning and said, "Ice, Ice, Baby." A chill went down my spine.

As we're only visitors to Uganda, we are lucky that we don't have to put up with this for our whole lives.  The traffic problem in Africa is really tremendous, and has a lasting impact on the African economies and well-being of African people.  WHO data states Africa has more traffic fatalities than anywhere else in the world (24.1 / 100,000, compared with 16.1 / 100,000 in the Americas - here's an interactive map on the issue), and is going to become a bigger killer than malaria, HIV/AIDS, and TB, all of which enjoy plenty of attention from international aid programs. I'm not sure whether anyone has measured the economic impact, but there is no denying the inefficiency of so many city residents sitting around in their cars, trying to travel between home, school, and work.

One thing about transportation in Uganda we are really enjoying is interpreting the messages painted on vehicles and seeing the creative ways folks beautify their vehicles.  The boda drivers tend to be patriotic in how they decorate their motorcycles with red, yellow and black tape (Ugandan flag colors), while the matatu drivers like supporting their favorite sports team.  Commercial drivers of all types also praise their various creators - here are two that we managed to catch on our phones, but this is only a small tip of the iceberg in terms of the many ways drivers want to give thanks to the Almighty:

Would love to hear from one of our readers if they can define Christed Bloodz.

This must be the shuttle to the synagogue. Except there is no synagogue in Kampala. Hmmm...

Is this driver directing everyone to apprehend something or is his name Captain Ure? You be the judge

Enough ranting about traffic for now, but I can assure you, it will likely happen again. 

Another holiday season has passed us by (probably while we were sitting in traffic), but we couldn't tell because there are no seasons. If it weren't for our calendars, this experience could be something akin to Groundhog Day, but with better weather. No snow for us here. In fact, I think I saw Puxsatawny Phil drinking a Nile Special beer down by Lake Victoria the other day, resting for his return to frigidly cold Pennsylvania next month.

So here's a brief recap of the last couple of months:

November:

I took a much-needed (imagine the sound of Laura choking right now) vacation to play golf in Durban, South Africa. I never thought I'd ever be playing golf alongside the Indian Ocean and yes, I left a few balls in the Indian Ocean. I then attended an off-road driving school in Kampala - necessary because most driving around here is off-road.

With this Hooters being located in one of the more upscale areas in Durban, who knew that it had such an international following? Yes, the buffalo wings are just as delicious on this side of the Equator.

 #5, Zimbali Golf Course, about 30km north of Durban. 240 yards downhill into a 40mph wind. I was happy to make bogey. That's the Indian Ocean in the background, the new home for a couple of my Titleists.

Since this is about as close as I'll ever get to Antarctica, I decided to attend the the penguin show at the
Southern Hemisphere's largest aquarium and marine park - uShaka Marine World. 

Laura was very busy at work as well as on the home front, decorating our house and painting rooms now that all of our belongings arrived - a full 3 months and one week after we got here. Fortunately, nothing was broken, though we had a few odds and ends missing. And when I say odd, I mean that the bags of snap pea crisps, a big jar of risotto, and a few other non-essential items didn't make it to Uganda. Whether they were pilfered, lost, or jumped ship in Hong Kong, we will never know.

In mid-November, we attended the Marine Corps Ball - the embassy's social event of the year. Held at a resort south of Kampala, it was the first night that Laura and I together had spent away from the girls - ever. Thank you to Nanny Hellen for allowing us (meaning Laura, because I never wake up for the crying baby) to get a good night's sleep.

This beautiful lady was nice enough to escort the lost penguin to the dance.

Tepper got her first real haircut prior to Laura getting her hair done for the Marine Ball:

After

Before

I know many liked her hair long, but it got to be problematic: washing it, trying to put it into "ponies," and Stella developed an affinity for pulling on it.
 
Thanksgiving was spent poolside at a friend's house, eating turkey and stuffing, drinking Moscow Mules and playing cornhole (a popular beanbag tossing game for those not in the know). I can't forget the delicious pumpkin cheesecake either. Again, I say that we are living a rough life. But it did take about 30 minutes to get to and from our friend's house 4 km away because of traffic, as it was a regular work day in Uganda. 
 
December: 

Tepper's second theatrical foray was the dramatic role as one of a cadre of glitzy foreigners attempting to woo a Ugandan woman in Kissyfur's reproduction of "Njabala," a Ugandan fable about a lazy woman trying to find a husband. No one has ever played part of a glitzy foreigner as well as this:

Glitzy tunic, glitzier pants, and the glitziest shoes (they light up when she walks)

Laura and Stella enjoying the show

Christmas was obviously not white and was spent at a friend's house, where Tepper littered the floor with cupcake crumbs and tried to make off with the new gifts of our hosts' children.

January:

New Years was our first true vacation here in Uganda and was spent on an island in Lake Victoria, Pineapple Bay. The trip began with a 50 minute boat ride across the lake - first boat ride for both kids, and if it were up to them, the last. Upon arrival to this tropical paradise, I was expecting this welcome committee:

De Boat! De Boat!

Alas, Mr. Roarke and Tattoo did not greet us with a drink. This was our welcome committee as we pulled up to the island's dock:

And at 9ft long, this was the smaller of the two in the bay.

A couple weeks before our visit, this croc's 13ft-long friend dragged a local sheep into the middle of the bay. The manager of the resort told us that one of the guests got a cell phone video of it. This one spent New Years' Eve swimming beneath the dock, which was barely a foot above the water. Needless to say, we did not go near the water for the 3 days we were there. This was fine as the pool was a perfect spot to relax and snack:

A time of peace for pieces of cheesy puffies. And yes, they were sharing.

Despite the water hazards, we give this place a 5 star approval, and not just because we were able to become friendly with the owners while spending New Years' Eve with them.  The island was beautiful, peaceful and served the best food we'd had in months - stateside or in Uganda.  There are over 400 species of birds on the island and we went on a hike to see how many we could identify. Naturally, we saw a lot of different birds, and couldn't identify any of them, but did see some nice views of the surrounding waters. Unfortunately, I couldn't get the video to load, so here is a panoramic photo:

The Girls:

The girls are busy growing too fast to keep up. Tepper is enjoying school and working on potty-training. Courtesy of Nanny Hellen, Stella is also working on potty-training and lately seems to have had more luck at it than Tepper. Her success will probably make Tepper jealous and cause some deep-seeded rift between the two, but as long as we can stop buying cases of diapers, I'll be happy. 

Stella is crawling well, is very talkative, and lights up whenever she sees Tepper. Tepper is developing into a pretty good big sister, sharing some of her toys with Stella and always asking where her sister is. She has memorized the movie Frozen and Stella sits and listens to Tepper sing all of the songs, like a love-struck teenager watching Justin Bieber. Stella, as any good younger sibling does, terrorizes Tepper by threatening to steal her toys or otherwise generally invade Tepper's space. Despite that, they love spending time together, no matter the locale:

Trapped like rats in a cage and they don't care a bit.

Lounging in the new pool

Tepper is also really enjoying her Playmobil sets she received for Hanukkah (I think it's called Han-U-Gan-da-Kah here). She has developed a knack for dioramas:

An aerial view of Tepper's re-creation of the farm at Jonestown

Her reenactment of the mob arresting Marie Antoinette during the French Revolution

Other than that, the geckos (too many to name) continue to work overtime to eradicate the growing number of mosquitoes and the palm fronds still fall (the last one almost hit me and Tepper). Thanks to Abdul the Gardener, our garden is growing at a rapid rate, with corn, basil, tomatoes, okra, carrots, mint, pineapple, strawberries, and tobacco nearly ready to be consumed. Ok, not the tobacco. That will be used to keep away the snakes.

Furaha ya Mwaka Mpya, or "Happy New Year" in Swahili, and I promise to write more often. That is, unless I get stuck in traffic again with the theme music to "The Bodyguard" my only company.